Self-care tools can help us work through the doubts, fears, and other negative mindsets that block our ability to be a successful parent, partner, or worker.
What do you do when you’re down? You know, when you have a day when nothing seems to be going well. When your kids irritate you, when your spouse seems like the most insensitive person you’ve ever met, or when you doubt your capabilities to get anything done – who or what do you turn to for support?
Like most of us, you probably have moments, or sometimes days and even weeks, when negative thoughts seem to take over. Those are the times when nothing seems to be going right and you can’t seem to do anything right. Sometimes these voices sound like:
- No one understands me!
- My husband is a jerk. He just doesn’t listen to me.
- My kids won’t do anything I say.
- My business will never be successful.
- I never have the time to do what I want in life.
How do you handle these voices? Do you ignore them, pacify and numb them, or deal with them directly? What kind of self-care would work better to support you in times of hardship, irritability, or when downright feeling funky?
In her work as a coach supporting people to be better parents, Kassandra Brown uses a variety of tools for helping clients work through their fears, doubts, and negative feelings. These include:
- compassionate listening
- radical honesty
- The Work of Byron Katie
- non-violent communication
Brown also feels that, as good as all these self-care techniques are, there is no single thing that can make all our doubts and fears go away. Personal growth teacher Ram Das, is known to have said, “With all my years of meditation, drugs, therapy, and working with my guru I still haven’t gotten rid of one neurosis. Not one. The difference is that instead of big monsters which devour me, they have become familiar schmoos which I can welcome in. I say to them ‘Come in. Have tea. How are you?’ instead of running in fear.”
In this article from Natural Child Magazine, she provides insight into dealing with those “inner schmoos,” who, in wanting to keep us safe, try to prevent us from doing anything risky, big, or new. She writes, “You can build courage the same way you build any other muscle – with gentle challenge.” And that bit of self-care will make you a better parent and a better all around person.